Saturday, December 8, 2018

Butterfly in my palm...the world is too small


Once I have learned that the world is too big, I am able to see its details and realize how small the world can be.

It is like having a butterfly landing in my palm and I look down its dancing from beginning to the end at my palm. 

I am in control of the mysterious creature that could never be grasped with my hands and hold in my palm when I was a child.

My life is butterfly.

I am owed by its interesting movement which is a recurrence of emergence and retreat of phenomena such as people, life events, my emotions, etc.

I can appreciate those phenomena that I never liked before because they manifested too quickly, too vaguely and very strangely and they were too hard to comprehend the reason why those happening to me.

I have no choice but to be transparent because...

...how can I not to be transparent when a butterfly takes my breath away?












The life of a human being is fleeting. 
The exhaled breath never waits for the inhaled one. 
Even dew before the wind is hardly a sufficient metaphor. 
It is the way of the world that whether one is wise or foolish, old or young, 
one never knows what will happen to one from one moment to the next. 
Therefore I should first of all learn about death, and then about other things

 - Nichiren Daishonin - 
















Saturday, June 16, 2018

The world is too big


I will not beg you for your time or try to convince you to choose me, the world is too big and I have too much to offer
- unknown-


To love oneself is the beginning of lifelong romance

- Oscar Wilde - 


One night, I was taking a walk and enjoying eclectic energies from night clubs, Cafes & restaurants and people from all walks of life in downtown.

It was around the time that I let go of a piece of me which grew to be a little toxic in me. That piece was "self-indulgence" stemming from my ultra ego. I know that I got to let it go sooner or later, otherwise, I will be self-deluded.

So, my life did rare thing that night.
I picked up a sandwich that I rarely eat. I was not even hungry.
And I talked to a stranger which I rarely do although my friend insists that I am the first one who talk to strangers...No, I don't.

That night was exceptional because I could not resist saying "Smile!" to a sad and stressed profile.
It was like a piece of art that has damage and future with beautifully corrupted expression.

He looked at me and I saw a glimpse of his smile but the soul that had been damaged could not sustain that smile.

I thought....
if I could touch his heart and change it to something positive even for a moment, 
I would find a meaning of life, a true meaning of life, a true self that I had been promised to be.

Our conversation was norm but the intensity of honesty and trust was surreal.

When he gave me a big hug and I hug him back the same way, I knew I touched his heart.
There was a universality in that hug that would never fade away...
care, trust and friendship.

I may never see him again but I felt so fulfilled because I knew he would be fine.
He will find a way out of the struggle.

The world is too big. 
I have too much to offer and he had too much to offer regardless of what life condition he was in.  

He enabled me to do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time.
He enabled the beginning of my lifelong romance that is to love myself.