Hachihai-jiru (tofu soup) - A tremendous gift

One of the hardest things in my life was to bring his things from his office to home. 
Some of those were his favorite worn-out igloo lunch box and a magic kaleidoscope tube wand that he looked into many times while designing his passion - sound system -

I never thought that I would feel that way, because I was just fine while gathering his things to clean his office with his co-workers, while walking to my car with them helping me to carry his things, while saying good-bye to them, while situating myself into my car seat for a long drive to home and while watching the co-workers fading away from my sight through my car window. I was just fine.

Then, when I was about to start the car, all of a sudden, it hit me...a reality that I was sitting in my car with his things from his office not because he quit his job but because he no longer existed.

For the first time in my life, I truly sobbed uncontrollably pounding my head against the steering wheel.
For the first time in my life, I truly felt lonely and noticed that all the feelings that I had ever had was nothing compared to the feeling I had at that moment in my car, in front of the steering wheel.

That moment was a beginning of a journey to discover how courageous, strong and compassionate I am. 
The moment came to me suddenly and it was transformed to a tremendous gift - a discovery of a new me- a gift that you never, ever want to miss.

I remember a great soup that I was fed by my great aunt long time ago in Japan, when I was so exhausted after crying so much over my mother's death.  The soup was called "Hachihai-jiru", which was made by dashi soup with lots of silken tofu, green onions and mushrooms.  It was so good that I gulped the soup and ate seven more bowls, and she said  "Hachihai-jiru was named after exactly how you are eating, eat more.."

八  = hachi =  eight

杯 = hai =  times

汁 = jiru = soup

I thought she was joking but she was not.  The soup gave me energy, courage and hope to live so that I can be stronger and more compassionate woman like those amazing ladies, my mother, aunt and great aunt, and all those people who fed their children.

Hachihai jiru

Ingredients:

• 1 package Tofu (silken), cut lengthwise
• 3 bunch Green onions, cut lengthwise
• 5 pices shiitake or shimeji mushrooms, thinly sliced
• 4 cups dashi soup stock (dissolve 2 teaspoon gragules or 1 stick)
• 4 tablespoon soy sauce
• 2 tablespoon Mirin
• sea salt

Cooking:

• Cook mushrooms in 4 cups dashi soup stock until the mushrooms become tender
• Add green onions and tofu
• Add Mirin and soy sauce
• Bring to a boil
• Add a pinch of sea salt

Serve immediately and eat eight bowls if you can...