Anmitsu - beautiful people do not just happen

I have learned a new joy after experiencing my soul mate's death. 

This joy, which cost his life, is very interesting. It is like a game because I play with my emotions and desires by being caught in a paradox.

It is comprised of a strong sentiment coming from yearnings for something that I really want to get but cannot because I decide I better not to get. The stronger I yearn for and abstain myself from it, I become more powerful.  The sentiment is so strong that it brings me tears which can purify my being emotionally, spiritually and physically.  This whole process gives me a deep joy. It is almost like an ecstasy.  

I strongly yearn for my sexuality, ego, and to some extent, vanity.
The more I abstain from sexuality, I become more sexual than ever.
The more I abstain from ego, I am in control of myself more than ever.
The more I abstain from vanity and focus on spirituality, I become more physically beautiful.

For some reason, I connect this new joy with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's words:

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known 

defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, 

and have found their way out of the depths.  

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity
and an understanding of life that fills them with 

compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  

Beautiful people do not just happen. 

Maybe because, I found my way out of his loss and I know that I no longer can be knocked down by deep sorrows.

Maybe because, enjoying those thick layer of emotions (a new joy) can make me so human that I can appreciate and have a sensitivity.

Maybe, what really makes me human is when I break the abstinence after playing such game and I become true to myself.

Therefore, I have decided to continue to yearn for more and more my sexuality, ego and to some extent vanity, so that I can pursue this new joy.

Unfortunately, when it comes to Japanese desert, I have no control to play such game.  I yearn for it and have to eat before it is too late for my soul. The ultimate desert that I yearn is Anmitsu which contains many beautiful colorful ingredients like those thick emotions.  The ingredients are mainly Agar (Japanese gelatin made by sea vegetable) which amazingly balance nutrition and beauty for my body and soul and I feel that Anmitsu makes me so human and very Japanese.

Anmitsu

Ingredients:

For Kanten jelly:

1 2/3 cup water

1/2 stick kanten (agar agar), or 1 tsp kanten powder

1-2 Tbsp sugar *adjust the amount to your preference

For Syrup:

1/4 cup water

2/3 cup sugar

For Toppings:

1/3 cup anko (sweet bean paste)

fruits slices, such as kewi, strawberries or oranges

ice cream

• Soak kanten stick in water for one hour or until softened. Squeeze softened kanten and tear it into small pieces. 
• Add the kanten pieces or kanten powder in 1 2/3 cup of water in a medium pan and bring to a boil, stirring. Turn down the heat to low. Simmer until the kanten dissolves well, stirring. 
• Add sugar and stir well. Pour the liquid in a flat container and cool to firm. 
• To make syrup, mix 1/4 cup of water and 2/3 cup sugar in a sauce pan and heat to dissolve sugar. Cool the syrup. 
• Cut kanten jelly into small cubes. Serve kanten jelly and fruits into individual bowls. Pour syrup over the ingredients and top with anko.

Serve immediately and eat until you feel turning Japanese..