A coffee shop sign - A break from this absurd reality

I must write this feeling before I forget because it was so subtle but powerful.

It was a sign hanging at a small coffee shop on South 1st Street.

The sign said something like "freshly grounded coffee beans...."

That simple phrase made me realize that life has to keep going no matter what.

I felt that someone must have kept that coffee shop running to be true to what they are saying in the sign, otherwise, that store would not have lasted by now.

Likewise, I would not have lasted by now if I was not true to myself by being honest and open myself to show vulnerability to others. 

While an abundant social media information by self-deceiving people are creeping me out, that sign gave me a break.

It was a break from this absurd reality.

It was a moment of tranquility.

I am so glad that I had a luxury to drive alone and feel that way.

I live for such moment.

Who the hell am I loving you so long?

When you said "I cannot live without you", 

love was easy and given to me.

I realize that I was the one who could not live without you.

I tried to fall in love with somebody else but could not.

I tried to mimic another true love but could not.

Because million times of infatuation were not even close to one moment of love I got from you.

Now, I know that you are the reason I am here.

You are the reason I live.

Now, I ask myself, 

"who the hell am I loving you so long?"

Nothing's gonna change my world ~ Across The Universe

As soon as I touch the vastness of John Lennon in  "Across the Universe", the world around me becomes so transparently interconnected and I can easily embrace my body and emotions. 

When I do it, embracing myself as a whole, I am able to embrace my solitude, which is the most beautiful thing on the planet and I stop chasing anything and things just come to me. 

Things means everything...my past, presence and future...

Words are flowing out Like endless rain into a paper cup

They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind possessing and caressing me

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes

They call me on and on across the universe

Thoughts meander like a restless wind Inside a letter box

They tumble blindly as they make their way Across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Sounds of laughter shades of life Are ringing through my opened ears

Inciting and inviting me Limitless undying love

Which shines around me like a million suns

It calls me on and on across the universe

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

Nothing's gonna change my world

~Across The Universe by John Lennon~

Towada Lake, Aomori, Japan

Windy Point, Austin, Texas

University of Texas, Austin, Texas

After all, MSG is not so bad? ~ Colors of my life ~ Sushi

There was an amazing story of MSG creation ~ 100 years ago in Japan, a devoted wife's loving cooking using dried seaweed for her chemist husband lead to a discovery of "Umami", which eventually lead to a discovery of MSG ~

Then, a hilarious anti-MSG story back in late 1960 was born ~ Chinese Restaurant Syndrome (CRS) by a Chinese American doctor ~ 

There was an intriguing fact that a component of MSG (glutamate) is found naturally occurring in the human body and amino acid, which is one of the building blocks of protein.

There was more intriguing fact that most living things on earth contain glutamate and it is also in many foods, including tomatoes, walnuts, pecans, Parmesan cheese, peas, mushrooms and soy sauce.

I knew Umami (Japanese word means "deliciousness" ) derived from dried seaweed (one of the healthiest ingredients on the planet) became fifth flavor addition to four primary human taste - sweet, sour, bitter and salty -

After all, my gut feeling was right. Anything consumed in excess amount is no good. Maybe, there was not a single thing we can point and say, "it is bad for you" 

Maybe, getting allergic reactions to food is still a huge mystery to human being because it could be truly to the ingredients or seasoning used in the food, or to a preconception of the ingredients, or to the smell just passing by, or to something in the air, or even to someone who sat next to you while eating....never know.

I have never used MSG in my cooking in my entire adult life but remember seeing my mother using just one shake of MSG bottle onto the whole soup pot. The amount used in the pot which fed the entire six family members may be about 2 or 3 crystal pieces out of ten thousand pieces in the bottle...means it was atomic size.

Never heard anybody had headache nor allergic reactions to MSG when grown up in Japan.

After all, I am still addicted to life that brings delicious food and wonderful company to eat with whether the food is cooked by MSG or organic top-notch ingredients.

All these, MSG creation story, hilarious CRS story and my mother's love and ingenuity for cooking added beautiful colors in my life.

Especially, when I eat Sushi with wonderful friends, I feel that the shiny beautiful ingredients with lots of amino acid on top of vinegar rice are truly becoming colors of my life.

Saba (mackerel), Hamachi (yellow tail), Salmon, Shrimp, Squid

Tamago (Eggs), Salmon, Squid, Scallop

Buri Ponzu (yellow tail), Ikura (Salmon Caviar), Scallop, Konchi Shell, 

Katsuo Tataki (Bonito)

Beautiful Sushi in Daito restaurant in Austin Texas in 2015
restaurantdaito.com

There must be a way out for the blue sky

I thought there must be a way out for the blue sky when I lost somebody so important in my life seven years ago.

I had been searching for the way out and waiting for being illuminated by the beautiful blue sky.

One day, I dragged myself on to the land and I looked up the sky.

It was a cloudless blue sky but my heart was still corrupted by a huge loss.

Then, I started seeing branches of the tree moving and feeling a breeze blowing through my hair.

I started seeing grass, trees, neighbor's roof....and realized that it was not only the blue sky what makes it beautiful.

Then, I remembered that I saw the same sky with him and felt the same gentle wind with him.

I realized something so special in the huge loss.

I never look at the sky the same way.

I see his legacy in the blue sky. 

I see my future in the blue sky.

Now, I am mastering to have a panoramic view of all the legacies from the lives I learned whether it be cloudy or blue sky.

You know I am feeling more...

I had always been wanting to know who truly were those people who asked me a strange question, "Do you own a home?"

while I wanted to ask a question," Do you own a pet? Do you like dogs? " 

I had always been wondering why I don't care so much about going to Caribbean cruise like others do, 
while I care so much driving at twilight hour in the evening around beautiful neighborhood near downtown Austin and starring at old luxury homes.

I had always been wondering why people ask questions such as "why don't you want to marry again? " "Why don't you want to date?"
while I wanted to respond "Why do I want to?"

I maybe be weird or selfish but I have learned exactly what my soul needs to rejuvenate my life, such as;

I would rather have roughly chopped iceberg lettuce salad with real buttered toast than elegant pieces of spring salad mix with multi grain breads.

I would rather be alone and throwing frisbee for my dog at my backyard and may be eating Ochazuke (steamed rice with hot green tea) than going to a restaurant that I rarely go with bunch of people to celebrate acquaintance's birthday and don't know what to order.

However, when I stopped analyzing those people and even stopped analyzing my feelings of sadness and joy, I started having full of desires, hopes and dreams.  

When I heard my musician friend singing a Beatles song "Your mother should know" at his mother's funeral, I felt that song more than I ever felt before....

I am living full and thinking less, and you know, I am feeling more.

The moments I feel happiness...something so human and nostalgic

In my backyard, on a beautiful sunny day, I am looking at my black lab chasing a frisbee toy and I am feeling something so nostalgic.

It is the air that I felt so nostalgic.

It is the fragrance in the air that I cannot even smell but I feel something so nostalgic fragrance.

It is the brightness of the sun coming from a beautiful endless blue sky that I feel something so nostalgic.

I described in my first published novel called "At this moment, I feel happiness" that there is always something in the sky, in the air and in the natural brightness that never changes no matter how many years pass by....there is something fundamentally the same there.

When I suddenly see the sepia tone sunset illuminating the streets while I am driving, I feel awed.

There is no difference between here I am in Austin Texas 2015 feeling something so nostalgic and a bobbed hair Japanese girl in Japan mid 1970s surrounded by endless beautiful scenery feeling so joyful playing with friends.

Something fundamentally the same there....

Although a reality tells me that so many things have been changed in the past thirty years such as no more telephone booth in the street corner, instead, people talking to invisible someone while shopping at grocery stores or constantly looking down sending text message instead of walking joyfully looking straight ahead...no more.

The fundamental sameness is "sense" that we feel which makes us feel nostalgic and happy.

These are the moments that I feel so human when I feel so nostalgic....touching the air, smelling the wind, looking at endless sky.

These are the moments I feel happiness.