The fact that I would no longer have someone who would embrace me so deeply, having someone who cuddle me from behind in the bed, or I would no longer fall in love with anybody else did not crush me, but the fact that I would never receive phone calls from him crushed me to pieces.
The night was bizarrely quiet and cold and it matched his death beautifully.
I was so tired after working ten hours in bustling San Francisco Financial District and on the way to my car which was parked at BART station parking lot.
I was heading to my car and could hear my shoes clicking clicking.
Nothing but a beautiful full moon and a sensational feeling of enigmatic time accompanied me.
This enigmatic time made me feel that I could go through my car like a ghost and keep walking...and finally reach to where he would be...not in this planet but beyond time and space.
The enigmatic night made me realize that I was not able to see his greatness while he was alive due to a cloudy mirror called "life" and now see it clearly because of a clear mirror called "death".
Now, I can see his greatness more and more every day, which makes 'life" so cruelly bittersweet.
I remember that I have always believed a wonderful Buddhism teaching which elucidated that "our life is a treasure tower".
This is the very time that I have to engrave this fact of life in me besides things to crush me to pieces....that his life is a treasure tower which is indestructible, therefore, he will never leave me.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Speaking of Treasure tower, what could ever make me so happy and healthy regardless of bittersweet facts of life but my mother's indestructible lunch when I was in Elementary school in Japan.
It was truly a treasure tower in my life and eternally was engraved in me physically and spiritually.
お母さん、万歳！
Rice with Umeboshi <Ultra sour picked plum>; boiled eggs, stir fried vegetables and meats
Nishoku Gohan (means two-colored rice); rice with scrambled eggs and minced meat.
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