Transforming the eternal regret to "being trembled all over with joy"

I thought I regretted eternally for what I had done when I looked at my father's picture in a frame in my hometown Japan right after 12 hours flight from California. 

I remember depicting a word "Eternal Regret-永遠の後悔-" in my heart and realizing that the regret feeling was coming from neither the fact that I did not make to his funeral, nor I had not seen him for 14 years since I moved to US, but the fact that I made his crying face like a child as our last farewell when I departed Japan 14 years ago.

I could be crushed by this regret the rest of my life, but instead, I determined that I would not be defeated by it and make it as the most valuable lesson I could ever learn in my life.

The lesson was....we can only live in the moment, and every moment is a preparation for death, therefore, I need to live every moment as if it is my last moment of my life.

Now I can say that it is the best lesson that a parent can teach to children because I am living my life with my dream as a result of his lesson.

I am now trembled all over with joy. 

Otochan Yatta!!! お父ちゃん、やったぁ！

I just finished my final brush-up for my first book published in Japan in December.

 "Afterword" in my book:             

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     Five years ago, I finished this original manuscript and mailed to a publisher in Japan for the first time. My soul mate, Clark, was still alive and I had not written "the second chapter - his funeral - " yet. After mailing my manuscript, I was driving a road after the rain exhilaratingly and realized that something caught in my eyes in the rear-view mirror. I glanced the mirror and saw a magnificent rainbow. I immediately stopped my car on a frontage road and gazed the rainbow for a while.

     I still remember vividly that it was a beautiful sunset time in Northern California.  The rainbow was as if celebrating my accomplishment of my dream.  

     My dream is to shine my soul mate's life and also to shine everyone's life through my book. 

     This book, my first step of my dream, contains many messages to those who follow their dreams, pursue wonderful friendships and soul mates, pursue career goals, struggle addiction and violent relationship, fathers raising daughters and those who don't care what others say but to live true to yourself, to all these people who fight every day for happiness.........and if, I can be of your inspiration to have hope and a sense of humor in the middle of your worst moment in your life, my mission is accomplished.

     

     I can still hear Clark humming "It was a dark and stormy night" every time he passed behind me when I was writing my book.

あとがき・・・

五年前に、このオリジナルの作品を完成させて、初めて出版社に原稿を投稿した日のことです。
まだソウルメートのクラークも生きていて、「第二の幕」は書かれていませんでした。

投稿した後、喜び一杯の私は、近所の郵便局から帰る途中、雨上がりの爽快な道をドライブしていました。
運転していて、ふと、バックミラーに何かがちらちらと見えたので、目をやったら、それは、鮮やかな虹でした。
まるで、虹が私を追いかけているようでした。私は、すぐ、わき道に車を止めて、車から降り、その虹にしばらく見とれていました。
美しい北カリフォルニアの夕暮れ時だったことは、今でも鮮明に覚えています。
その虹は、まるで、私の夢の達成感を祝福しているようでした。
私の夢とは、亡きソウルメートの生命を輝かせること、そして、それだけに終わらず、私が触れる人たちすべてを輝かすということです。
その夢の第一歩である本書は、夢を追い続けている人、素晴らしい友情やソウル・メートを求めている人、娘を持つ父親、キャリアで成功したい人、暴力の関係や中毒に悩む人、そして、とにかく誰に何と言われても気にせず自分らしく生きようとする人、そういう、日々、戦っている人たちへのメッセージが詰まっています。そして、一人でも多くの人が、どんなにつらい時でもユーモアのセンスと希望を持ち続けられるお手伝いができたら幸いです。

今でも、執筆をしていると、私の執筆中に、クラークが私の後ろを通るつど、鼻歌交じりで言っていた、”It was a dark and stormy night...暗い嵐の夜だった…” が聞こえてきます。
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